Day 3 A Journey of Self Discovery to Self Love
By admin | September 8, 2008
Day 3 A Journey of Self Discovery to Self Love
So on day 2, you would have written down either a paragraph, a line or two about one area of your
Life. For example: My business is generating $20,000 a month.
As a guide to know whether this is an inspiring goal, ask yourself these questions:
Is this inspiring?
Is this specific?
Is this achievable?
Is this challenging?
Is this realistic?
The next guide is to have a timeline. When would you like to achieve this goal?
If it is in one year’s time, the following questions to ask yourself again would be:
Is this achievable?
Where am I right now?
What would achieving this goal give me?
If your objective is to get out of your comfort zone and you are really tired of procrastinating and remaining where you are, shortening your time line creates an urgency and help you break down your goal into smaller bites. If you want to achieve your goal in six months’ time; Then I would suggest that you have clarity of your current situation in terms of your business income. Assuming your business income is $10,000 now, it may be possible to double that. The challenge is staying focus and asking yourself better questions.
This is what life coaching is about. When you have a Life Coach, it helps to have someone bounce off ideas, show you your blind spots, explore options and make you accountable for the actions that would lead you towards your goal. A Coach believes in you, support, encourage, motivate, stretch and move your forward to the next level.
Basically, this journey is about unconditioning and reconditioning our way of being. The habits we have that does not serve us. We are too comfortable to want to get out of it. Sometimes, it is because we unconsciously live our lives through the motion. We are unaware there are better ways to get out of status quo. It could also be we are avoiding change. Very few people embrace change because it means they have to do things differently. It could also mean they have to drop some long time friends and change their environment.
If you are one whom you feel can do it alone without engaging a Life Coach, don’t fret. I would come up with some more tips and techniques in my next article for you to continue this journey. Cheers! for now.
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Day 2 A Journey of Self Discovery to Self Love
By admin | September 8, 2008
A Journey of Self Discovery to Self Love
Day 2
Did you get to journal what you really really want in life? It would be easier if
we break it down into different areas of your life.
Did you write something about what you really want:
In the area of work
In the area of your income
In the area of relationship
In the area of your family
In the area of your career
In the area of your finance
In the area of your confidence
In the area of your travel
In the area your work life balance
In the area of your spirituality
Anything else that I have not mentioned above, just add it there and write them down.
One example of what you really want in the areas of your income:
My business is generating $20,000 a month.
You can write a few lines or a page or a line, it’s up to you as long as you are clear and feel it.
Do you know why you need to do this alone and not with your regular friends? I have to be bluntly honest with you that if you have been around people who whine, dump their negative garbage on your plate; Complain about the boss, his or her famly, how people make life so difficult. They also can’t wait to subtly show their cynicism especially when you have a really great idea. You can’t do this and you can’t do that. They are so strong in their opinion that it won’t work, you actually believe them! Should you turn and walk away? No — run! As fast and as far as you can. Don’t put up with it anymore! Lest you unconsciously become like them. In no time you will be one of them.
“It’s the decision you make that determines your destiny”, this is what Anthony Robbins the motivational guru said. It’s always your choice. It’s definitely not an easy choice, especially when you have been with them for a while. That means making new friends. Don’t say “No choice.” No choice is also a choice. We call that “letting go”. You will be surprised that the minute you let go, the energy shifts. Something else replaces that which you let go. Choose wisely.
You either get a buddy or get a Life Coach. Either way is fine, as long as it works.
SAY ‘NO’ to Disempowering people
List the names of your friends
Put D next to disempowering people who are negative, complained, pessimistic
Put E next to empowering people who are positive, solution focused, encouraging
The environment you create either nurture you or destroy you; Contaminate or contribute to your success.
You are now embarking on “A Journey of Self Discovery to Self Love”.
Do this first and we will come back for exercise day 3.
Let me know if you need any clarifications.
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Life coaching for anyone who is open, honest and willing to explore their potentials.
By admin | September 5, 2008
Life Coaching for anyone who is open, honest and willing to explore their potentials.
A Journey of Self discovery to Self Love
I guess it is divine timing that I am writing these articles to share with you how to coach yourself.
My Mission
To shift the mindset of individuals, families and organisations to develop self leadership by inculcating the value and importance of self love.
My Vision
A world where self love flows beautifully within individuals, families and organisations.
We have been brought up by our beliefs that it is self centered to love yourself first. The revelation I had is through a shift of my mindset. This was a three to five years’ journey. I didn’t just find out suddenly that I need to love myself when I wake up one day. It happened when I was in a rut, went through changes in my life. Make changes and do things differently. I must say that it takes a lot of courage at first. Then came breakdowns before a breakthrough. Was it scary? Definitely yes! I can hear you asking, “Then why did I do it?” I had enough of what I don’t want. If this feeling resonant with you, you will find it useful to read on. What I don’t want was the feeling of boredom, searching for meanings in life; Having communication and relationships problem.
For most part of our life we live day by day; Not knowing where we are, not knowing whre we want to go; Where we see ourselves in six months’ time, in one year’s time from now. That is OK for some. For those who are not satisfied with this, read on. There are tips and techniques which I am going to share with you regularly. If you decide to do the exercises, this is a free self coaching which I am contributing to you. You could give me feedback on how it can be better or share with me what is not clear to you by commenting on the space below.
Do you agree that:
- You could have a lot of things flying around you feeling overwhelmed.
- You could be doing a lot of things and not feeling satisfied at the end of the day.
- You could be bored, doing the same things over and over again.
- You could be feeling a sense of loneliness.
- You could be feeling very stressed.
- You could be feeling that you need to be more confident.
- You could be feeling that you have no work life balance.
- You could be asking question like, “Is this what life is about?” There must be more to it!
This is the starting of your inquiry into your own life.
Day 1 A Journey of Self Discovery Journey to Self Love
There may be some very useful questions to begin with. Read on, take a pen and a book and name it “Self Discovery Journey to Self Love” and answer these questions in a quiet place, in a park, coffee joint, somewhere where you are not distracted. “Time alone”. Begin to love yourself and value time for yourself.
For once do something very different from your routine. Life Coaching is about doing things differently.
- Forget about grocery,
- forget about work,
- forget about tuition for your kids,
- forget about errands to run,
- forget about picking up the laundry……stop doing things, task.. start creating a special ’space’ for yourself;
For once remember you still have you! You need ‘quiet time’ for you.
For once doing something for yourself, and not someone else.
*How can you begin the journey of discovering your self? Loving yourself?
*What do you really really want in life?
*What is your definition of success? Does it have to be the same as others?
*What would make you feel successful. What would you be doing to feel successful?
*What do you see yourself doing? Where would you be?
Quiet your mind. Our mind gets very busy thinking of what to do next, who to call, what if…….
Can you hear yourself now? Become aware of your thoughts…..focus on the questions above, not those in your head and answer them one at a time.
If you were to visualise, take your time to visualise it and write it down in a journal. Just keep writing and let your thoughts flow. Does not have to be in proper grammer or right words, just let it flow, trust that it will be OK. When you have done that. You can pick up the positive, inspiring key words from your journal. Words that speak to you. Summarise them into a short statement. It is OK to keep refining it until it feels right to you.
Next article to help you continue your journey of self discovery to self love through Life Coaching.
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Stop Parenting & Start Coaching
By admin | May 10, 2008
In my workshop I shared what I read about the increasing number of teenagers sent to the Institute of Mental Hospital by counsellors in schools in our Straits Times’ report in March 2008. Is it counsellors are not competent in their work or parents not cooperating? It is really sad because there are a huge number of parents suffering from the same sadness, worries and anxiety as their teenagers and dont know what to do. The difference is as adults we can cope better, we can handle it better and teenagers have limited resources to de-stress. They cannot articulate or express themselves as well as they like to. They either clammed up, shut down or act out. When they act out, parents often think that they are rebelling. Some parents who have problem communicating differently as their children transit from a child to a young adult get a shock to find their teenagers react very differently. Suddenly the child begin to talk back, refuse to go out with you, want you to talk less, find you irritating. If you find yourself facing the same issue, you are not alone. Your child is transitioning to a teenager, a young adult and searching for their identity. Give them the space to grow and don’t make them wrong. Their hormones are coming in as ours are leaving us. If we insist on treating them like a child, you will find it a struggle and your relationships may spiral down.
Stop parenting means do something different. Find out the love language of your child. Read Gary Chapman’s book on the five love languages of your teenagers. Instead of telling your child what to do, learn to let go and ask them questions instead. Get them at the right time because they are very stressed with peer pressure, study pressure, expectations from schools and parents and yet find it challenging to deal or handle the changes in their body. They begin to feel that they need to be independent and want to move away from parents. Seek to understand them then to be understood. Don’t insist that they must do the same things when they were in primary schools. Nevertheless, we still need to guide them.
Have clarity of where you are in your relationship with your teenager and where do you wish to go from here. What are the changes you need to do, how can you speak differently to them to get a positive respond from them. How can you support them in their growing pains. Are you also suffering from menopause or andropause?
Schools may not have the life skills that is necessary for them to work from inside out to process this sea of change. Some schools can have life skills such as goal setting, motivation tools, etc. but how it is being delivered is students don’t have ownership of their own goals. Without ownership of their own goals and having teachers set goals for them is not effective. The mindsets of teachers need to be changed. The sad part is, even if you have young teachers with different mindsets, the environment does not support them to grow or move forward.
How can parents also support them with new life skills to work together with them as the world become more complex. One of my client shared with me that teachers do not like to teach secondary schools. If they are asked to do so, they would rather resign. It is common knowledge that teachers ended up managing the classroom rather than teach. Parents are aware of the fact that the exam oriented system is not working and is very stressful for students and parents but little can be done unless parents speak up. It’s a catch 22. Teachers think that it is the parents’ expectation that students achieve academically.
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The Secret
By admin | May 7, 2008
I received regular stories from The Secret, the world famous website. Today I received a video clip and thought it would be great to share this with anyone who visit my blog. Synchronicity, I just blog about loving yourself, by lifting yourself, you lift others too and The Secret Scrolls message sums it all nicely. Enjoy!
A Secret Scrolls message from Rhonda Byrne, Creator of The Secret
Every good thought, every good word, every good emotion, and every act of kindess, is lifting the vibration of your being to new heights and as you begin to raise your vibration, a new life and a new world will reveal itself to you. There is no limit to how high you can increase your vibration, because there is no limit to the good thoughts you can think or the good words you can speak, or the acts of kindness that you can do. Other than transforming your own life through lifting your vibration, you lift others’ lives too. The positive vibration of your energy emanates out like a stone thrown into water, touching our planet and every living thing on it. As you rise higher, you take the world with you.
The Secret Team has created a gift for you. This clip features our beautiful Planet Earth. As you experience this clip you will emit positive forces of energy across Plant Earth that will reach every single living thing on it. You will lift yourself, as you lift yourself, you lift the entire world.The magnificent music was composed and graciously gifted for this clip by composer Jo Blankenburg.
From The Secret to you, here is Planet Earth - our home.
May the joy be with you, Rhonda Byrne The Secret…bringing joy to billions.
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How to be a Great Life Coach?
By admin | May 7, 2008
Coaching has been mistaken by many as mentoring and counselling. It is a real challenge to explain what is life coaching. Aspiring Coaches also want to know whether this is for them. If you don’t do it how would you know?I reckon that no one can explain what is coaching. It is like explaining how durian taste to a foreigner or anyone who have not tasted it? Or how to cycle? I think the latter is a better example.
A happier person
The most valuable lesson I learnt is “Who I become”. I realised that change is constant and by putting myself in this environment I continue my learning and evolve as a better person for myself. Sometimes when I attempt to explain why we need to love ourselves first, some understood it right away; Others say, “Isn’t this selfish?” Self centered? Well, if you don’t fill your own cup, and continue to fill others, you dry up. Nothing to give. My internal dialogue would be “God help those who help themselves.” In other words, when you live an inspiring life, others are inspired by your living. Teach less learn more. Women are brought up to nurture, protect and unconsciously forget about taking care of themselves. Our believes are so strong that we do not know how to let go.
Letting go
Letting go of the role of “mother”, “daughter”, “wife” is challenging especially if you have been playing that role for a long time. When we become overwhelmed, we become so attached to that role that we don’t know how to play other roles anymore. Playing other roles is like losing our “identity”. Whatever role you are playing today, ask yourself, is this who I am? If you are not happy, it may be time to discover a new you! We all have blind spots, letting go requires someone to show us what we need to let go.
Get a Life Coach to be a Great Coach
Write your ‘bucket list”! Get a Life Coach! A great Coach is one who is coachable. When you have a breakthrough working with a Coach you know what it takes to achieve from one level to the next. That is the transformational experience that empowers you to be a great Coach. When you step at the edge of the cliff not knowing what to expect and do it anyway, that is the risk that you take to get out of your comfort zone. That would be your first real stretch in working from inside out. That takes courage. A leap of faith. If you are one of those people who think a lot, you cannot possibly feel from your gut. It is no more secret or airy fairy or ‘new age’ . It is the real deal. Your perception is on a conscious level. We are conditioned by our upbringing, parents, teachers, government, religion, significant people - our environment. To uncondition and recondition to listen to your gut feeling is connecting to your authentic self. Our self confidence come from being our authentic self. We don’t have to be someone else. That is where great Coaches operate from.
One year down the road, where do you see yourself? If you have been thinking of doing some things for years and still thinking about it, have not done it, it is time to get a Life Coach. It is a transformational experience that you will treasure. When you begin to value yourself you will invest in yourself.
Stop doing the same thing over and over again. It’s insane. What can you now do the things that you have always wanted to do. Write a list. Get a buddy, or just do it! You don’t have to be perfect. Know of any perfectionist? Most of them are very stressed. Looking good is more important than being happy. Wherever you may be today, you may want to start loving yourself first. First thing is you are happier living your dreams. Does not have to be big dreams for a start. One step at a time.
Blockage
We may at times have blockage. Want to do something but don’t know when to start; How to start, inertia. Before we start, we already say, “what if it cannot work?” “What would people say?” “So challenging.” ; “Nobody do this kind of thing.” ; “It’s selfish.”; “Wait till I pay up all my mortgage.”; “Wait till I retire”; Wait till I have more time.” This self talk is also self sabotage. This ‘little voice’ in your head is holding you back from getting out of your comfort zone. This is the biggest blockage that we experienced. More often than you want to think otherwise. The most significant voice often comes from a defining moment when we were young. Find out what that is and break that pattern of thoughts. Replace it with empowering ones and see how your life becomes new possibilities.
No time
We will never have enough time. Time passes by, it’s May 2008 almost half a year gone! Did you ask yourself what have I achieved? “Did I achieve what I said I will do when I set my resolutions on January 2008? What happen to your resolutions?
What is your first next step?
Would you like to get a Coach to ask you better questions? Bring you to the next level in your life. Have a breakthrough? Double your income? Triple your happiness? Create the awareness in you to align your values. Bring out the best in you? Discover your purpose in life. Believe in you? Clear your blockages. Increase your self confidence and self esteem?
When you find that you on the journey to self leadership you are assured of being a great Coach.
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What does your ‘Bucket List’ look like?
By admin | May 5, 2008
One does not have to wait till you have a crisis to have a bucket list. A movie I saw about two men, one obscenely rich and the other an ordinary family man. Both were given about six months’ to live. That is where they created the ‘Bucket List’ of things they would do together. Nevertheless, most people wait till they encounter serious health issues to write their bucket list and live it. I have heard about 100 things to do list. Well, listing is one thing and doing it is another, right? We dont have to be that rich to do our bucket list or 100 list too:)
It takes a crisis to live a bucket list! Get out of comfort zone.
Let’s see, the last time I read about a list is from the internet, someone wrote a list and talked about getting a degree, building a business etc… I have been doing things differently since 2001. When my husband lost his job, I had to learn how to take an MRT, I was like a city bumkin. This kind lady I met in an Anthony Robbins preview in Sheraton Hotel had to literally show me where to scan my ezlink card. How to top up and which side to stand to wait for the MRT to arrive. You see, why this would be an interesting story to tell. I was driven by my husband’s driver to where ever I want to go. Sending my children to school and shopping is my past time. Watching the share market, the CNBC news, watching the HBO 58, 60 back and forth, back and forth. Life was a bore. A crisis does wake people up, I guess.
My list date back to when I started to trek with a group of strangers to Jerangang Falls 6 years’ ago. Leaving my family at home. This was organised by SAC Singapore Adventurers’ Club. We shared our load, I had a backpack of some canned food, some camping rods, clothes, etc. for 4 days. That was the first vertical climb through the jungle some 50 km off Kuantan in Malaysia.
Natural Cure for Menopausal people
That climb had me sweat profusely and brought my mental alertness back. I don’t have to take HRT pills (Hormone Replacement Therapy) to balance my hormones as they play havoc at times. Going natural is the ’sane and save’ way to go. Saved more money too. Your whole physical body, mind and soul is in syn. The confidence level went up too. You see people working together like a community is good for the soul. Young or old, rich or poor, there is only one way up, no whinning, no complaining, just do it! There were 6 of us. After a long ride from Singapore to Kuantan, we reached a Malay stall selling food except that it was not open yet at 5am. We just put the plastic chairs and line them up, plonk onto the chairs and use my jacket to cushion my head and slept. Freedom! Not knowing what to expect is my first learning process. Then it looked like 7am, a 14ft lorry came and pick us up. We just threw our backpack onto the lorry and climbed on it. We drove through rows and rows of trees, until we reached a road that the lorry could no longer go through. Not a happy though to get off the lorry. It felt like an endless walk and yes, I did asked myself “what am I doing here?”. I could have been sound asleep in my aircon room! We pass through some creeks and moved uphill. The test came when I was able to pull up the branches of trees to help me up. There were two graduates in their twenties and I was ahead of one of them! What does that mean to me? That I am still strong, I felt like I was in my twenties. Really!
We pitched our tents and hung our clothes after washing them by the side of the waterfall. Helped to prepare meals and wash up.
The waterfall’s natural flow of energy is good for the skin as I put my face just below some water that had it’s force cushioned by some rocks, not too strong flow, enough to massage my face. Better than the SPA operated by some jet machine back home in Singapore.
Game to write your bucket list? Or List of 100 things to do!
List of things to do….What else? hmm….. Started in 2003. Done nite trekking (organised by Singapore Adventurers’ Club) started at 11:30pm through MacRitchie Reservior pass Island Country Club’s golf course and all the way to Seletar Reservior at 4am! scuba diving, vertical climb up 1,380 steps in Republic Plaza, Went on four-wheel drive into Tigers Fall, deep into the Malaysian jungle. Trekked up the Jerangang Falls; Climbed Mount Kinabalu upto 2,700 m. Swam from Esplanade across to the Singapore river to the Merlion; nite cycling 44km, trekked down Grand Canyon, climbed the Mount Aspiring in N Zealand, Certified Coach Course, sang in front of 80 people in my outrageous outfit!
Coming up: Cruise to Alaska happening in May 2008! Followed by a retreat in Hills Health Spa in Cariboo 5 hours drive from Vancouver; To write two books! To trek the colorado river in Grand Canyon. Speak to thousands of people!
Life is more interesting and useful too! Life was never the same after being coached!
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Eckhart Tolle - A New Earth
By admin | March 16, 2008
Awakening to your Life’s Purpose
I am glad that I tuned into Oprah.com to listen to their review of Chapter 2. Having people from all over the world call in to ask questions and clarify what he wrote in the book is indeed very helpful. Someone called to ask about her pain with the illness that she is suffering. Her question was how can I stay focus when I have the pain and how to feel peace. I was very eager to hear what Eckhart & Oprah had to say. When a friend is suffering from illness we just do not know what to say to help them except kept asking them more about their illness thinking that, that is the right thing to do to show concern.
Eckhart said that unconsciously you have identified that “I am the sufferer of….; Took them to be who you are.” She was adviced to no longer talk about her illness to anyone accept to the doctor. According to him, the more you talk about it, the more you empower the processes. Instead, say no worries, I am making good progress. Don’t encourage people to talk about it. That will have influence of your thought processes. Choose to focus on well being. One way is to be around nature. We have psychological pain and physical pain. Don’t resist it. Don’t create psychological pain with physical pain.
Synchronicity
A friend called to say that our mutual friend has breast cancer. Young lady with two young kids. I managed to call her and asked her the very question that I am not supposed to ask, about her cancer. She is due to have mastectomy next week. She is a lady of leisure ever since she had a helper. She said she has nothing to do. I shared with her about Eckhart Tolle’s every Tuesday live podcast in Oprah.com. At least, I know how to direct her to some new knowledge.
That reminded me of where I was before. I had everything and yet nothing. Unhappy, unfulfilled, bored, no enthusiasm in life. In my family of 8, half had cancer. My father did not survive. The other 3 siblings are well. I hope by sharing my experiences, people find preventive ways to live happier lives. Having a sense of purpose in life does make a difference in the way we look at life and find fulfillment with who we are. No wonder there is a saying, “An idle mind is the devil’s workshop”. The process of learning how to be present to what is, the ego, the observer mentioned in Eckhart’s books will keep us engaged in evolving to the new realm of possibilities.
Lets remind each other to live in the now.
Topics: Life Coaching | 2 Comments »
Stop Parenting & Start Coaching Workshop
By admin | March 14, 2008
Date: March 29, 2008 Sat. Workshop 3 to 6pm
Coach Your Child For Success & Fun Loving Relationship!
STOP PARENTING AND START COACHING (A 3-Hour Interactive Workshop)
For more details or registration, please click http://www.mindset-coaching.com/workshop/
A 3-Hour Interactive Workshop
Parent Coaching is the first step towards a powerful and innovative way of parenting … & a self-discovery journey. Parent Coaching creates awareness to a new way of parenting using coaching skills in their communication for parents and teens’ relationship to achieve harmony and happiness.
o Know what is your parenting style
o Move your parenting skills to the next level
o Learn how to stop nagging and start motivating
o Shift your mindset to new way of parenting
o Connecting with your teens to build a strong relationship
o Support and prepare them through their transition to young adults
Parents: You will learn to…
* Draw out the best in your teenagers
* Understand what really makes your teenagers “click”
* Master your energy for success with your children
About Dolly Yeo
Using the principles she teaches, Dolly Yeo went from being a helpless and nagging mother to a ‘greatest mum’, according to her three teenagers. She integrates her powerful life coaching skills into 21st century successful parenting with her teenagers. Dolly Yeo is currently the Chief Coach of Mindset Coaching, a fast-growing personal coaching company in Singapore. She is a Certified Coach with Results Coaching Systems, Australia.
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Horton - The Movie with it’s values
By admin | March 14, 2008
Bonding
My two daughters, 19 and 13 wanted to eat ‘Sushi’ for lunch so we made it today and watch a movie called ‘Horton’. It is a cartoon show! We agreed that we have ‘girlie’ time at least once a month. That means the three of us. Other times to bond with extended family, we include her cousin and aunties for outings. We have one to one time too, that is to focus on one person at a time. So far we have done quite well. Scuba diving, cycling, jogging and trekking, playing cards and monopoly.
‘Horton’ is about an elephant who could hear noises from a speck! What I like about the show was to believe in yourself, live by your values. Driven by the one focus purpose, the elephant overcame huge obstacles to save that speck; where a community of different people lived. These people cannot see the elephant and the elephant cannot see them because they are so small, but he can hear them. Hence, the noises.
Generation and Communication Gap
Even this community of different people has the same kind of problem faced by parents and their children. To continue the legacy of generations and generations, the father wants the only male child to take over his job as a Mayor of that community. He has 96 other children who are girls. Unfortunately, the young man does not want to be the Mayor. He is creative, enjoys creating music. Sounds so much like the typical parents of the world! The child is so miserable, he does not talk to his father, looked miserable all the time. Of course, the father will never understand. He is conditioned by his belief and upbringing that for generations and generations they are all mayors and will be mayors and nothing else!
Crisis
Life is a game and a story. It has to take a crisis for the father to be awaken to realise that music can be of value to people and save lives!
Many people want to be right rather than to be happy!
The Kangaroo by wanting to be right, disregard the truth and tried to sabotage the Elephant. Talked about trying to inculcate values to her child and stop the elephant from expressing his desire to save the speck. Generation gap, gender inequality, speaking up from the heart; Values of self belief and forgiveness. If we can accept one another as a community, raise collective consciousness,……it can reduce conflicts…wishful thinking?…. Ultimately - “Oneness”.
Bullying
It was time well spent. During our lunch, we talked about how to handle bully in school. My younger daughter felt that she is not getting the message to one of her good friends about taking her wallet and hand-phone, constantly untying her shoe-lace even though she expressed her displeasure. she is aware of her tone of voice and smiling when she said that she does not like it. That could have had her friend thinking it is not ‘bully’. She is having fun too. I explained to her that your friend cannot connect your facial expression with the fact that you really don’t like what she does. On top of that, my daughter felt it was helpful to accompany her friend home. I suggested that she may want to break the pattern by not going with her for a while to give her the message. Until, she gets the message, she can always get back again. Obviously she would have to tolerate the discomfort of not being with her friend. I explained to her that she need to know that it is her responsibility and not her friend’s. She allowed it to happen.
Unconsciously, my daughter teach people to treat her. There is self awareness, now it is about processing the self management. I highlighted to her that the most important thing is the power of intention. The intention is not about being right. It is about being aware, honest with yourself, do something different to get a different result. Getting out of that negative energy to replace with positive ones to support each other. It is about taking self responsibility and not play victim. Empowering each other.
Will see what happens.
Bonding
My eldest daughter is a little pre-occupied because her boyfriend has just ‘pass out of parade’ from the army. They are planning to meet soon. Nevertheless, she suggested that my daughter stay away from her friend for awhile and get back after she stop doing those irritating things. It’s good to have her sister advise her. They are very close. I once heard both of them said to each other whilst sitting on the bed chatting, that they cannot live without each other.
My 19 yrs old passed her driving licence recently and to give her that confidence, I let her use the car and sat next to her. It was good for two weeks. I managed to get her to do errands and drive her sister to school. As an assertive daughter, she began to assume her right to use and resent it asking me why must I be so calculative. Each time she use, she has to do something for me. I told her that along with freedom, comes responsibility. It became an issue, we argued for a while and said some hurting things to each other. Her boyfriend is impartial and understood the situation so we talked over @ coffee club @ Kinokuniya, I was looking for ’New Earth’ book written by Eckhart Tolle. He tried to explained to her to understand that it is uncomfortable for me to feel that I cannot get into my car anytime I like, it is a loss of freedom for me. She may want to empathise with me. We did not resolve it. She looked very unhappy and we decided to leave the table. I got to the enquiry section to find my book, fortunately I bought it, it was the last copy that day! I then went to my psychology section to look at other books, shortly she called me on my hand-phone to look for me. As she walked towards me she smiled sheepishly & gave me a hug. I said, “It’s good to talk about it. I am so happy for you and proud that you have a boyfriend who is so matured.” She said, “Why don’t you tell him yourself?” We walked to another section and saw him browsing a book. We finally had a group hug in the middle of Kinokuniya. She asked me to give him a hug and I did.
On reflection, I know something triggered me and I don’t know what it is. It didn’t matter to me that much as I am able to move on pretty quickly. I am learning to enjoy the now and will continue to do so. NOW is all that matters.
To all parents, this is what I would like to say to you, “Have a life! Everything is perfect.” Ask yourself better questions. What do I really, really want?
Blockage
When I think of women, I realised it is not easy for women to let go. Part of it is our nature and nurture. We tend to put family first and forget to love ourselves. Loving ourselves is to take care of our mental, physical, emotional and spiritual being. When we are not full, we cannot fill their cups. A good analogy is the fact that we have to put on our oxygen mask in the plane before you put it onto your child’s. Let go of guilt & fear which I felt is the greatest blockage for us to live life with love. It has been conditioned into our head that we have to put family first. Your spouse is not immortal. What if he suddenly is not in your life for whatever reason. Do you have the confidence to pick up the pieces? The responsibility lies with each and everyone of us to continue learning and developing our confidence. Self awareness, self management and self responsibility.
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