‘A New Earth’ book written by Eckhart Tolle reviewed by Oprah
By admin | March 13, 2008
Oprah’s latest project is based on the book written by Eckhart Tolle ‘New Earth’. His first book ‘The Power of NOW ‘ was written about 16 years ago. A friend gave me this book when I attended a self development course called, ‘KNOWING’, she signed and put the date as 23 April 2005. Well, now when I read and re-read this book, my understanding is different from the last time I read it. Whatever you get is what you get. An excerpt from Page 41 of his Power of NOW:
- Nothing ever happened in the past, it happened now.
- Nothing will ever happen in the future; it will happen in the now.
That was how I had to remind myself constantly to “Live in the Now”. My mantra became, “Everything is perfect”. This helped me get into a powerful state. For the past is a trigger to your behaviour, reaction or response now. The now is the consciousness of what is. I have to share with you that it is simple but not easy.
Back to Oprah’s project. It started on March 4 @ 11am Singapore time. You need to sign up at www.oprah.com to listen and download the worksheets if you want to work on it for free. Technology is so great that I can listen to their interview and review about the book and people from any where in the world can register to ask them questions from any page of his book. This is a weekly live dialogue between Oprah and Eckhart Tolle.
It was my eldest sister who lives in Vancouver who told me. She was looking for her purpose in life and called me to help her with it. She was willing but not ready. Nevertheless, it is good for someone she is not related to coach her. There will be a listening that is not fully clear. It should come from ‘nothingness’ which is challenging when you are related. My elder sister also asked me to coach her and after 3 sessions, she made a decision to take action that she have been thinking about it and procrastinated. She is now so excited about the power of coaching that she is going to T Harv Eker’s Seminar! Before that, she has never attended a self development course and doesn’t think much about it. I heard her sharing about her experience with coaching with her friends and how different it is from friends trying to help each other. Well, a proper life coaching is a process of more than 3 sessions. I am happy that my family is receiving and embracing the value of life coaching. Our conversations are more useful and connected than before, more acknowledgements of each other’s values.
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So much water has flowed under the bridge
By admin | March 13, 2008
I can’t remember when was the last time I blog. Talk about writer’s needing inspiration to write.
I just googled for ‘business model for life coaching’ and read Kathy’s blog with most of what she said that resonates with me. I agree with her that blogging gives you more confidence, clear your clutter. Does not matter whether anyone reads it, just writing it down leaves you lighter. It is like letting go. Allowing new fresh energies to move you forward.
According to Kathy after one to one coaching, when we have more clients, much of the time is invested in admin. and marketing. Especially now that I have decided to stretch myself to do more workshops and training in the near future. Upgrading my knowledge by taking up the latest self development course that took Singapore by storm in Nov 2007!
T Harv Eker - Millionaire Mind Intensive
5,000 over people attended the T Harv Eker’s 3 days Millionaire Mind Intensive! I thought I am done with attending, but a kind and generous friend of mine called me and asked whether I would like to attend and gave me the ticket for free! After the 3 days Seminar I signed up for the whole year’s Quantum Leap package! I had attended 2 out of the four workshops & training, one end of January and end of February 2008 Were they good? You bet!
One good habit is to put aside a certain percentage of your income for savings and I am glad my children are again reminded after learning from Robert Kiyosaki’s teachings. There are loads, will share again.
Shift of mindset
I used to say I don’t like to do marketing but now I accept that as part of my business. The best part about Harv Eker is his encouragement, his practical teachings, his good intention. Many familiar faces I met are from the first self development course I took back in 2002 Anthony Robbins! The fact is of course to apply what I learnt. I am so glad that I got into Life Coaching and continue to evolve with it. How I wished that our educational system would include this as part of their curriculum.
I have been searching for my niche for years. Have you heard of this ‘What you resist persist’ ? Yes, I wasn’t sure I want to do coaching for parents and teens and yet each time I was asked or coached I came up with parents, teens, empowering women, people who are looking for life purpose. According to Harv Eker, he said that one way is to take your pain, the pain you have gone through and gain from it and teach for someone’s gain. So, if you don’t know what is your passion or purpose, you might want to start exploring using this tip.
Topics: Life Coaching | 2 Comments »
Mindset Coaching - Communications & Relationships
By admin | November 1, 2007
With all my five years of learning about self development, simply put, it is all about our communications and relationships. Think about it, isn’t it all about our daily communications and our relationships with our boss, colleagues, subordinates, friends, spouse and children and parents? Whether you are the CEO, in Human Resource, Marketing, finance or an entreprenuer in real estate, insurance or an employee you need to communicate build relationships. We communicate with people. Before we communicate with people, we actually communicate with ourselves first. Do you agree? This is something we grapple and struggle with and complicate things when we don’t understand why things go wrong. Why are we upset, why are we frustrated, angry, anxious, and all the negative feelings that you can think of. If this is not how you feel, congratulations! You are feeling happy, great and fantastic! You have a great relationship with yourself! Yes, relationship with yourself. This is what I feel is all about the relationships with yourself. Some call it self-leadership, some call it self management and some, self responsibility, self empowerment or self-discovery. If you have read about what you feel is a reflection of yourself, you would understand that the people who come into our lives are there to teach us something. Something that we cannot see about ourselves. That is an opportunity to learn something and change if you do not like what you feel. Only you can change it. Remember, you create your reality, you can choose how you feel. When you have a great relationship with yourself, you can empower yourself to accept the other person for who they are and who they are not. Why, you may say ,”It’s so easy for you to say!” Yes, it is easy for me to say, you are right. I did not say it is simple, did I? Now, it is for you to decide. Decide. It is the decision you make that determines your destiny, and not the conditions of your life that determines your destiny. I quote Anthony Robbins. That is why we call this a self-discovery journey. It is the process of deciding to take self responsibility to be happy, joyful, wealthy & successful. Self empowerment is a journey of discovery of who you are. This is the journey of my coaching experiences. It is challenging for me to explain what is life coaching. I am not going to attempt to do so. It is something you feel in the process of the change that you decide to make. This is why I enjoyed coaching so much and still do because of what it has given me. Happiness and joy. Isn’t this what we all want? My journey was long, it took me three years to see some changes in my life, yes, three years. Sounds like I was a hard nut to crack. Maybe. There is a Chinese saying, “It takes 3 seconds to pick up bad habits and 3 years to acquire good ones.” Habits are really challenging to change.
Let’s explore further. Why you? Isn’t it about people making me angry because they are unreasonable, they are lazy, they are slow, they are impatient? Sounds like a blame game isn’t it? Well, I did not know that. I wasn’t taught that life skill in school. We were taught to study not think back in those days. Even now the focus is still on academics, with the exception of Northlight Secondary School which started life skills teaching methodolgy since January 2007. Well, I shall not deviate from my objective of sharing about communications and relationships.
That is where self responsbility will shift your mindset. I attended a 3 hours seminar by Mr Marshal Thubber about three years ago, I was invited by Wendy Kwek whom I am thankful for. I invested S$38.00 for that talk. What I got out of it was a shift in my mindset. I realised that I could live up to 120 years old. Some people may at that time think that I am naive. Somehow, I believe what I heard. The truth is at that time I don’t know who is Marshal Thubber. I was on a momentum of learning about self development, about myself, it was a self discovery for me to go to seminars and courses after courses. No regrets! The best investment I have made is to invest in myself. This shift of mindset that I could live another life time was a revelation for me. I had before that thought to myself that I was going to retire in my late forties. That was how I spoke to myself. My self-dialogue. No wonder people say, “You are what you think”. You may ask, so what would that do for me? What would that give me? A lot, but two words sums it up, happiness and joy. I don’t often feel joyful. If I do, it is a special moment with myself. That is what some call it “Sweet Spot“. I got this description of “Sweet spot” from a coach in one of the International Coaching Federation (ICF) meetings. I found my ’sweet spot’ in the swimming pool, swimming slowing, being grateful and blessed to be able to swim in such tranquility and loving myself. It’s like a quiet time for myself. The relationship with yourself. Love yourself first. You have more to give. This is another shift of my mindset. I used to think that loving yourself is selfish, but it is different from self-centredness. I had a distinction of what it is.
So be aware of what you think every second and every minute for that shapes you; But first find out who you are, you will be surprised to find gems! A diamond waiting to be polished, or a polished diamond waiting to be repolished. Wouldn’t it be worth it?
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A real life experience of a client and a coach
By admin | October 19, 2007
Many people who do not know what life coaching is, now has a chance to read a real life experience of a client and a coach. All clients and coaches’ sessions are confidential unless permission is granted for us to share. I am grateful and thankful that this client of mine share most of the values of coaching with me, I had her permission to share our experience in my blog. We believe in sharing for the intention of helping others especially when life coaching is very new to many people and often mistaken for counselling; For people to know more about what life coaching could do for them; For aspiring coaches to have an idea of how fulfilling and meaningful this profession can be.
This is a case where my client has come to realised that living her A to H values in her life and sharing them in her book could help and give hope to people. People who faced similar challenges, could find their purpose in life and empowered to triumph over obstacles.
One of my clients, a Human Resource Director wrote and published a book “Possibilities Abound” launched on June 10 2007 to cherish the memories of her late busband. On 5 August 2006, she was given my number to call to ask about Coaching . I have not met her before. We spoke briefly and I proposed that we meet so that I could give her a no-obligation session and have a personal experience of what is coaching, how does it work and background of myself. After which she could then decide whether the Coaching series is for her. Just speaking to her at that time, I sensed her anger and frustration. I was mindful that she need to know that coaching is not counselling. She shared with me the sudden demise of her late husband on June 10 2006. It was the most unexpected sudden fateful day that rocked her world. I can’t say that I know how she felt for I really don’t know. I could only empathised with her ‘overturn overnite’ situation. In her own words - she said she had a ’pampered life’.
After our trial session on August 12, 2006 she made a decision to take up the coaching series with me. It is the “decision you make that determines your destiny”. It was a revelation to me as a Coach during the sessions that we had, to reflect upon how coaching could empower a woman in this situation. In her book on “Empowerment” you will take away this value and know that she truly has experienced self-empowerment. This life skill is the key to deal with future challenges and enable you to bounce back effortlessly. The essence of Coaching is self-empowerment.
Let me share with you how at that time I was not sure I would take her as my client. I had thought that she would need counselling with a support group rather than a Personal Coach. As a Professional Coach I seek for Senior Coaches’ feedback. The teleconference within my Results Community were mostly Australians and they have been most supportive, open and generous in their sharing of similar clients and potential clients in similar situations. There were different opinions on whether or not to take on clients in such situation. No book, nor anyone could decide for you except your heart. Listen to your heart. I have not met her and do not know her background prior to our meeting. We connected on a level where trust was present. In any coaching relationship between client and coach, ‘trust’ is important for it to work. It was the most rewarding exprience and empowering partnership. She not only became my client, she also took the Intensive coach training course that I went through back in 2002.
We went through the different areas of her life and came up with how she want her life to look like. We explored strategies and the actions she had to take. I remembered when one of her actions was to start driving, something she stopped about 20 years ago, the fun part would be ”when the rubber meets the road!” It was her conquering force that propels her to do things differently, take actions that she has not taken for a long time. In her own words, “I, who had been so pampered, could overcome the difficulties.” It was the A to H values that she was congruent in living. She was determined to share that with people to benefit and grow together.
I am so proud of her achievements! She is simply an amazing lady. If you get hold of her book titled “Possibilities Abound”, you would realise how courageous she is and how she had turned from her ‘overturn overnite’ situation to ‘possibilities abound’. Her husband passed on June 10, 2006 and she published her book and launched it on June 10, 2007. In her book, she shared how she pulled through with the support of her family, religion and life coaching. Her achievements in the absence of her husband - dear dear, whom she often refer to, is the true essence of purposeful living. These are her A to H values - A-Attitude; B-Belief; C-Communication; D-Decisiveness; E-Empowerment; F-Fun; G-Gratitude; H-Humility;
Right now in your life, what do you really, really want? Have you given a thought to how you want your life to look like? It is the belief, your habits and the patterns in your life that determines your destiny, not the conditions of your life that determines your destiny. It is also the decisions you make that determines your destiny. Don’t give up.
Life is about communications and relationships. With who? With yourself. How do you communicate with yourself? We talk to ourselves all the time. Do you agree? When you are thinking, you are talking to yourself. What is your relationship with yourself? Do you beat yourself up? Unconsciously we do , if we do that negatively, we are beating ourselves up. Catch yourself do that and write it down. Positively or negatively, write it down. Come back and share with me if you want to.
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“Guiding youngsters on proper internet use” The Saturday Straits Times June 23, 2007
By admin | October 18, 2007
This heading caught my eye on the front page of our daily newspaper The Straits Times.
My heart warmed up when I read the message that schools are highlighting the light and dark side of using the internet and how parents could be partners in education to guide our children on the usage. This reminded me of the seminar I attended on cyber wellness by Associate Prof Angeline Khoo. She invested real time with the cyber games to understand the behaviour of those in the games. If you ask me, I think she has done a fantastic job! To share some of her notes here:
Benefits of Game-Playing
It is claimed that games can help children:
1) develop strategic thinking and planning skills
2) generate creative solutions to problems
3) improve their processing visual information and eye-hand coordination
4) provides especially males, with an outlet for their pent-up emotions
Well, parents unless you play with your kids, you would not know whether they are aware that they are living their values through the game. What are the consequences of the choice of their action from the strategies? How do they make decisions in who they play with, in teams or as an individual? They drift away as you get busy with your own stuff. The gap will become wider when you cannot connect with what they say about their games. Then you would have to find another way.
My husband and I tried to ‘play’ my 12 yrs old’s game - “maple story” and 16 yrs old boy’s game War Craft and less than 3 minutes we were so giddy!
So what now? so I find other ways of connecting with my son. Not fixing him but letting go of anxiety myself first. If you don’t, you may end up in a ‘power struggle’ situation. Especially when you are talking about teenagers. Teenagers are not here to rebel. They are simply going through changes in their hormones and struggling to find their own identity. Likewise, we may be at cross-roads, searching for meanings in life too. That is no wonder, many parents find it so challenging to deal with this period of time. The ‘Letting go’ can be very challenging for many because it is about getting out of your comfort zone, your past belief and also letting go of your identity in search of the ‘lost you’. We all need support, encouragements and tips to share with one another and that we are not alone. It is OK to say that “I need help.”
According to Associate Professor Angeline Khoo:
Digital games offer children and teenagers:
1) promote positive feelings
2) provide outlet for aggression, has cathartic effect
3) as learning tools
* meet psychological needs:
1) entertainment and leisure
2) emotional coping - from loneliness, stress, low self-esteem escape from reality
3) satisfying social needs, making new friends, strenghening friendships, generating sense of belonging and recognition
5) need for challenge and achievement
6) need for excitement
7) need for power
I can only summarise two words about human behaviour and they are:
Confidence and self-esteem. When parents are able to help children build on these two key elements in life, half the battle is won.
From my past experiences, I also realised that building the self awareness is the key to many answers to the unanswered questions.
The self discovery that I often talked about is really for parents to get real and get their life back. Build on your communication skills and relationships with them. How? When you know who you are and lead an inspiring life, your children will cooperate with you during this awkward time instead of struggling with heart-wrenching relationships. When you look at them with potential, they project potential and strive to live up to your projection of them. “Law of attraction”.
It won’t be long, in a short few years’ time you wont see much of them. They will be out with their friends as adults. This is also the time they want you to be seen not heard, i.e. if you are still nagging.
Tips: Set your own goals, continue educating yourself, do what you love doing, love your children for who they are, not on their academic achievements. It’s about them and not about you anymore. Learn life skills.
I find blogging and swimming therapeutic. I am consciously aware of living my values. Building my 2nd career is also a wise choice, getting ready for an empty nest syndrome.
I have to ask myself this question each time I am stuck! What is this magic question? What is more important? My answer, “Our relationship”. So what is your answer? When relationship is more important to me, I build on that and when your children are connected to you, whatever you say to them , they hear you. They dont shut down or have a show down with you! Isn’t this better than ending up in cold war, silent war and what have you.
As a parent who has gone through many seminars, radio talks, books, workshops, my final findings is that we can leave the teachings of subjects to the school teachers but we cannot leave the life skills to the teachers. With the current educational system it is simply not realistic. Whatever the schools can do we can sometimes tear it down and vice versa. Parents and teachers impact lives. We can’t escape from this truth. When parents and teachers’ values are not aligned with their what they are doing, you can rest assured that they would be transferring negative energies to the children. So instead of trying to fix our children, we may want to look from within and ask,
“What do I really, really want in life?”
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Universal Law
By admin | October 18, 2007
There is this 1 day seminar called “Universal Law”which is held on the last Sunday of the month. Having attended many self development courses and working from within does help me to understand better the Universal Laws. Used to be held in the Conference room in Tan Tock Seng Hospital by Dr Aaron from 9:30 -5pm After three Sundays, it has become clearer that we create our own reality. Simple as that. All we need to do is to love ourselves. It all begins with a thought. If you think you can, you can. If you think you can’t, you are right too, you can’t. We go around taking care of people and forget about ourselves. When we forget to fill our ‘love’ tank, we dried up. What is there to give? Maybe negative energies. When your tank is full, you have more to give. You attract people with your loving energies. You are free to embrace what is. Make sense so far? The universe does not judge, whatever you say you attract, so be careful what you say, or ask. As you sow, so shall you reap. Plant seeds of love and you get to enjoy the beautiful flowers and fruits of your labour. We forget, we are here to remember. Enjoy the moment:)
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Indian Creek Prophecy from Mount Kinabalu, Sabah
By admin | October 18, 2007
This Indian Creek Prophecy poster caught my eye during my adventure to Mount Kinabalu on Nov 27, 2006. Whilst having our meal in the Kinabalu Park restaurant waiting for our food, this poster was displayed on one of the walls, I thought it was such a profound reminder for city dwellers like us.
Indian Creek Prophecy
“Only after :
the last tree that has been cut
the last fish that has been caught
the last river that has been poisoned
then will we realised that money cannot be eaten”
When you are in a natural environment with people respecting the fauner & flora, animals and enjoying the fresh air, this poster is definitely in the right place. A sense of uncertainty came over me. How could we balance between survival and destroying nature? We must be blessed to enjoy this. The waitresses were very pleasant, attentive and efficient. I felt very peaceful, grateful and rested. The food was tasty too!
We arrived at the restaurant to have dinner and rest before we attempt to climb tomorrow morning to Laban Rata. The plan was to rest for 8 hours in Laban Rata then conquer the summit! A goal I had set last year 2006. As you probably could hear how this sound? An attempt, does not sound very committed isn’t it? Yes, because this is a fitness goal combined with a goal to connect with family in an adventure. My husband, youngest daughter now 12 took that adventure with me. My husband had a managers’ conference held in Kota Kinabalu city so we thought it would be a good time to take action! We intend to go snorkeling after the climb. I had a count down with the days written in my diary, even though I swam everyday and climbed a few times up the stairs to my 20 storey condo; it was still challenging to climb Mt Kinabalu, the highest mountain in South East Asia.
After searching the internet and googling for information and comments I managed to connect with a very helpful tour agent who answered all my queries to ensure my family are comfortable with this journey. I have had a great experience interacting with people in Kota Kinabalu. I am really grateful to them for their fantastic hospitality.
My husband was as busy as a bee. He left all the planning to me. I suspected he underestimated the mountain. At home, he did not go to the gym nor did any exercises. He thought his mental ability could pull him through. He is a very determined person. I guessed we learned something everyday. This time his concrete jungle knowledge, strategies and actions cannot help him in the real jungle! There is the very rocky vertical path, the thin air and the damp air. His thigh muscles started to ache not very far after we started because it is an ascending path. He perservered and pushed on, we were all given a bamboo stick to help us with every climb up.
When you deal with property, its location, location, location! When you climb its preparation, preparation, preparation! Practice, practice, practice! Mentally prepared and physically challenged.
We started the climb with a guide, every group must have a guide. Started at 9:20am, there were toilet breaks & stops for water provided by water tanks every 1 km, that is if you are gamed enough to drink them. When I imagined the water that flowed through the pipes into the tank and imagined the rust if there is, I decided not to refill my water bottle. We had enough to reach up to 2pm where we had lunch. A packed lunch of rice, hardboiled egg and a chicken wing. Of course, by the time we stop for lunch break, the food was cold! The wind was getting chilly because it was drizzling off and on and I guessed it could be the cloud that were around us. As soon as I stop walking, I cannot rest for more than 5 minutes. Beyond that the cold and tiredness set in.
I remembered groups of Singaporean students walking up and people descending. We would say “Hi!” I would asked them, “How was it, did you reach the summit?” Most of them would say, “It was cold so we didn’t stay long on the summit, Good luck!”
I often wonder what they meant. Being kind and supportive, they said what they need to say and stop there. The rest was up to us to imagine. There was a couple, the man said, “I kept telling her, one step at a time.” We met two ladies and I asked for muscle cream and she gave me the whole tube, such good souls. Bless them! That helped ease my husband’s leg!
There were people who live up there and you can tell by the way they walked swiftly up and down. Our guide was so strong. He was often on the phone with one hand and the other with our large bag. Most of the time ahead of us, waiting.
By the time we reached 2,700M, the guide took a look at us and said, “I think you may want to consider moving back down to reach the gate when you can still catch the daylight. The gate close at 4pm but I can call them & request for them to wait.” He then led us to take a look at the very rocky vertical ascend that helped us quickly decide there and then that we have to turn back! So you can imagine how the three of us looked like? Very tired after 8 hours of climbing. I was surprised his cellphone was working so well at that height. He helped us carry our bag filled with jacket, a change of clothes to change at Laban Rata stop over. We were supposed to reach there - a base camp to recuperate for a few hours before we were to start climbing at 2:30am to catch the sunrise at the summit. That was the plan.
My husband suggested that my daughter & I could go ahead and he descend. I dont know whether I was happy or disappointed. The summit is 4,095.2M. I was tired too, but his aching thigh could not take the vertical climb at that point. We are sensible people. My daughter was tired but her muscles are strong. The guide would not let us split. No one walk without a guide. We go up as a family, we come down as a family. Coming down means using a different set of muscles! Not any easier. We were so glad we had the bamboo sticks to assist our descend.
So much for now. Will continue another day. Got to sleep you know:)
Well, well! I slept that long? Today is June 23 Friday. My two teenage girls & my niece are bugging me to play ‘Monopoly’ with them. Will I get to finish my blog?
This South African lady whom I met sometime in May this year through coaching activities said she enjoyed my blog and I love her sense of humor. She said, you wrote this climbing up the mountain thing and as I was reading, I noticed I dont know where is this place, and then you wrote about your feeling in such a way about not completing the mountain and a subtle way of putting it when your husband could not make it. Then you finished by saying you got to sleep. She was expecting more! She is so funny. Yah, I realised I took a long time to get back to blog.
Ok, a little introduction about Mount Kinabalu in Sabah, East Malaysia. I was told is one of the most beautiful and underdeveloped resort. I can see hotels being built and construction work on. Sipadan island is one of the islands off Sabah. The most sought after diving spots. Kinabalu City is certainly not a shopping paradise. A resort and diving paradise. Crystal clear water and unspoilt corals. Of course, unfortunately we could not enjoy that! Scroll down to find out why.
As we descend we used different sets of muscles and that was not easy too. I was glad to walk back as we approached the gate, the gatekeeper was alone waiting for us.
The sky got darker and we hopped into a van, drove through the winding greenery and back to the Kinabalu Park Restaurant. What a relief!
That was what I thought! We did not book a room in Kinabalu Park for that nite! We were supposed to stay in Laban Rata. As there was only one restaurant in Kinabalu Park, the idea of walking anywhere does not appeal to us. There are very nice lodges on the hill slopes around the Kinabalu Park. Fortunately, there is a room available on the same floor of the Kinabalu Park Restaurant. It doesn’t matter how much it cost, we were so grateful that we dont have to walk! We took it without hesitation and disregard the cost. Thanks to my husband’s generosity! Then we realised the master bedroom is one floor above the living and TV room. It was a suite. My daughter was hungry and tired and she felt sick. Fortunately, after dinner she recovered. Both my whole legs’ muscles aches were creeping up and lifting up my leg began to feel very heavy. Then my husband had to tell me, “Tomorrow would be worst!” Oh, not looking forward to it. After dinner we quickly showered and struggled upstairs, not wanting to come down anymore until tomorrow morning.
The initial plan to go snorkelling was gone. Can’t even lift up my leg above six inches to walk up a few steps! Slow motion, yes.
On our way down to Kinabalu city, we had a different guide and a driver all to ourselves. He shared a great insight and fortunately I wrote it down. When you ascend, oxygen goes to your weakest part of your body, and when your husband’s thigh started to ache, oxygen goes to his thigh muscles and not enough to the brain, therefore, you cannot breath properly as you ascend to higher altitude. The preparation for you is to go to the gym to use the ’step up’ machine.
No preparation means the lung and leg muscles were affected. Sounds logical to me, something new to learn.
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Building relationships and appreciating your children
By admin | September 7, 2007
September 2 2007 my two loving daughters were in the kitchen for hours. Both of them refused to let me and my husband enter. Sounds like they were cooking a storm. Finally they came out with a tray of lovelist cup cakes that I have seen. Chocolate top with colourful green & blue alphabets arranged into “pops n mops we love you from us”.
We were very happy and touched obviously. The cakes were very delicious. Without hesitation I said, “I am so blessed, thank you girls for putting so much effort into baking these lovely and delicious cupcakes, I love you too!” I am quite sure they felt appreciated for the effort they both put in. The cakes were bonus, the real value lies with the love we felt.
The joy is really seeing them so close, enjoying, discussing and cooperating in the kitchen. I believe this is what parents want to see and feel the closeness of their siblings and the love they have for us. I am grateful everyday. For us to have this loving relationship is like watering the plant everyday. Building relationships with hugs and positive communications. Catch them do something right and praise them. By acknowledging them we bring out the potential of their goodness and empower them. We show that we appreciate them not by their academic achievements but the little things they do everyday. Showing care and concern over their siblings.
A few years’ back I was unconsciously catching them doing things wrong and making myself right unconsciously too! No acknowledgement and certainly lack of appreciations. Do you think they want to be at home or around us? Definitely not! I had to attend so many seminars and so many radio talks on parenting and just as many self development course to do very simple things like saying “I love you”; “Thank you, I am so blessed.” Sometimes you can hear parents say things like,, “Well, who are they? We work so hard to feed them, house them, they should thank us! Does it sound familiar to you? I dont know about you, I was one of those who need to be educated to love my children unconditionally. How did I do it? I learn to love myself. I lost myself, I forgot who I am. I was frustrated with life because I try so hard to fix them instead of fixing myself. I worry too much about them. I learnt to let go. I know it is hard, when you let go, they want to come to you. When you hang onto them they cannot breath because we forgot that they need to grow up. You may asked, “I dont want them to make mistakes”. Well, mistakes help us learn. Instead of sending them to courses, I attend courses. Instead of doing things for them, to them because I love them. I learn to have a life, my life just begun. They learn to cook. They learn to make decisions. They learn life skills. I love myself and I have more love to give them with my loving energy. My job is to guide them, coach them and love them. Most of all lead an inspiring life mself! I am parenting differently.
Topics: Parent Coaching | No Comments »
POWER IS MYSTERIOUS
By admin | August 20, 2007
Power is mysterious. I read with great interests what John Bittleston wrote in the Business Times on 25 June 2007. My husband used to photocopy useful articles and bring home for me to read. I love reading self development materials and ideas often form in my mind on how these connect with what I do and how I could use it for my own life, and share it with others.
John said, “The rules are simple; following them requires more discipline than most other aspects of life. Prepare, persist and be restrained.” I agree and resonate with the three ‘Ps’. I would add one more to prepare, persist and restrained - one more “reflect“. Reflection gives people that space to hold, a time to restrain from taking actions that can be defensive which can also become a negative power. Holding that space is put time on hold to think. Thoughts have been the most talk about in the 21st Century with “The Secrets” DVD and books as number one seller. Many lives have changed for the better applying how thoughts works with “Law of Attraction”.
The Power of Reflection
Reflection also means looking at what your response was that could create an awareness of what was in the past that brought you to react to the situation. Was the situation a replay of a similar situation? Was the pattern repeating itself? Do you recall being triggered and reacting to the situation? Is it him/her or you? Are you prepared to take the responsibility to take a look of your own behavior for a start? Ask yourself better questions? What is something that both of you are learning and not getting? If you find yourself angry, upset or agitated with aother person, pause, take a deep breadth. Restrain your unconscious pattern of playing the blame game. Do something different, go to a quiet place and write out your thoughts. Think about your thoughts. Reflect on them. Did you catch yourself blaming that person? Notice the ego is talking and not you. When you calm down, do an honest audit of your thoughts. Whatever you are saying about that person is a reflection of yourself. Some of you may not agree at this point, that is OK. Written reflection is like a process of cleaning up toxic from our system.
If you are ready to do some work from inside out, Life Coaching is part of the process. First, you have got to be open, honest and willing.
Willing to look into what is working and what is not working and have the courage to be honest with yourself and get real.
Coaching is about asking the right questions at the right time: Here are some of the questions that you may like to ask yourself:
1 ) Am I taking responsibility to own the problem or dilemma
2 ) Am I playing the blame game?
3 ) What can I learn from this incident?
4 ) What are 3 things that I can do differently to get a different outcome?
5 ) What is compromised?
6 ) Are my values aligned?
7 ) What if I were to observe the observed?
8 ) What is the struggle there?
9 ) What is the difference that would have made the difference?
Our normal surface listening and speaking is to:
1) Jump into conclusion
2) Assume
3) Take things personally
4) Attached to the dilemna
We can only empower people by listening 80% and speaking 20%. It’s commonly perceived that communication is how you speak. It’s not a secret now that effective communication is listening rather than speaking. Being aware of your levels of listening, your intention, the choices you make with full presence and focus on your goals or the outcome you want to achieve. The feelings you have, the actions you take, the reactions and the results.
This brings me to talk about levels of listening that can produce productive results that in a normal surface listening you could spiral into a negative cycle and into bigger problems. Or when you learn a different and deeper experience of listening that could spiral up to focusing on your solution and break free from your past and be in the present, clearing all past triggers and history and create that new experience, new thoughts, new behaviour and make that decision to take different actions, take risk and have a breakthrough with a new you.
Sounds like reformatting your computer. Clear the virus, cookies and information overload. The digital connect in an evolving globalization. That requires taking risk, learning and using new software, new mindset.
Deeper Level of Listening
To generate awareness:
1) Be aware of the past you
2) Be aware of your thinking
3) Be aware of your pattern
4) Be aware of your belief
5) Be aware of your habits
Shift of mindset:
1) Clear that up
2) Rewire your thinking
3) Take risk
4) Create new thinking
5) Do things differently
6) Create new possibilities
How to move forward?
* What is my intention?
* Stop the blame game
* See the potential of other’s point of view
These are the steps to stop:
Jumping into conclusion
Assuming
Taking things personally
Making others wrong
All these needs: PATIENCE & PERSERVERANCE to acquire quiet confidence, and authentic power. Work with a Life Coach.
shortens your learning curve and live life with purposeful focus.
July 3 2007
Topics: Life Coaching | No Comments »
How I got into Life Coaching?
By admin | August 18, 2007
In 2001 a good friend from my Toastmasters Club introduced me to Anthony Robbins Seminar. At that time, I thought that, that was something for people in sales, business and the corporate world who want to be motivated, who want to succeed in what they do. I was experiencing a retiring mindset. Little did I know that it was a turning point in my life! A ‘Tai Tai’ who think of nothing but shopping, high tea and breathing down my children’s neck and husband’s at times! Then it was a boring and meaningless life for me, really:) I thought that I was doing my friend a favor by attending the preview of Anthony Robbins Seminar. Then one thing led to another.
I was invited to the so called “UPW momentum gathering”. UPW means Unleash the potential within! Whatever that means back then was anybody’s guess! I certainly did not know what was that about. At that meeting I listened to people shared how much weight they lost, how they had clarity of who they are. Some of them who came back from Hawaii. Bankers paying something like US$17,000 for the Anthony Robbins package. For someone like me who had not been to a self development course or a motivational seminar before, I was really curious what that was about. Nevertheless, I picked up the book from my friend’s bookshelf, “Awaken the Giant from within” by Anthony Robbins. I could not put the book down. Guess I would share more of what I got out of it next time……………. Do you have any comments? or something to share?
30th Oct 06………
Reflection of the past years. After 3 years……..seems like a long time, that…………… I felt like I have come full circle. At that time when I was reading Awaken the Giant Within, I jumped from pages to pages and applied what I had to apply into my life. I could remember vividly how to change my state of mind. Then my three teenagers were 8, 12, & 14 years old and there were many opportunities that I felt that I had to change my state of mind to remain sane! Ask most parents and they would definitely understand what I am saying. Communication was a great challenge. Some times I would sing when I knew that I was getting angry with them. That simply put is “breaking the pattern!” I did get into a happier mood. That was good enough for us to get by harmoniously. After a few times, my children got angry with my singing. They said “Mummy it’s irritating!”; Because I kept repeating the few lines!
Since I am a “just do it person” this book was next to me most of that time. Each time I need to learn some new skills to deal with a challenging situation, I just flipped open the book. There were many things I don’t quite understood at that time. Neuro Associative Conditioning (NAC) - what was that? Big words, nevertheless there were stories in the book to help me understand them better. Fortunately, there was a support group of people where we meet regularly to continue our journey. Of course, now I know NAC also meant the same thing as NLP - Neuro Linguistic Programming! Believe me, there is no short cut for self mastery. The process of self-discovery can take years! Now - Monday October 30th, 2006 when I revisit the book, I can understand most of what the book is saying. That is after having gone to many other self development courses, ups and downs, self awareness, insights, healing and releasing; Interacting with people, learning from gurus, mentors, trainers, books, CDs to name a few. In other words, working from inside out! The result is freedom from fear, or some say fear forward. Whichever connects with you!
Yes, my friends and clients said I could write a book, I think blogging is easier. I used to think it is crazy to tell your story in the blog. When I saw what my 11 year old blogged I was so surprised. I asked her, “You mean people talked about their life story?” Now when my 11 year old daughter saw what I wrote today, she said, “Yah, now you got it.” ” This is blogging. ” I would rather call this ‘Generation Gap!”
Nov 2, 06
Women who made changes in their lives, I am sure would at one point in their life asked, so if I change, my spouse don’t change, what is the use? Since men work, they have less time to read and now what? This is what I did a few years ago, I tried leaving self help books in the bedroom, plant them on the bedside table, somewhere in the bedroom, on the dressing table, hoping that he would catch the hint. Unfortunately, then I have not read John Gray’s book “Men are from Mars and Women from Venus.” I did all kinds of things except ask him directly to read the self help books that I found useful! John Gray said, if you want a man to do something, just ask him! I just attended John Gray’s seminar Sept 30 06! My husband bought his books but we left them on the bookshelf! After his seminar I started reading them whilst working out in the gym. Oh! how I wished I had read his books years’ back! Certainly not to be missed, great life skills, simple to understand and easy to apply if you read slowly, absorb the essence and practice. Reflect and apply again. Practise being aware of your thoughts and actions. It connects with what I believe in my life! Wow!
I learned how important it is to value myself now. I believe many women suffered like me. Loss of identity. I acquired identity that does not align with my values. For many years, I dont even know what my values were; Unknowingly I was conditioned to beliefs that does not serve me. Now I realized how it had worked against me and the people who are close to me. How my beliefs also shaped my behaviours and habits. How it had affected the choices that I made in the past. Now that I know better, I do better. I create my own reality! I can now choose how I feel. This is liberating!
I am really grateful that I took all those self development courses and met many people who were my teachers because I was a ready student. As the saying goes, ” When you are ready, the teacher will appear.” So are you? The investment is truly enriching. When I got it, my loved ones benefitted too.
It took me a long time to understand how important it is to use goal setting as a framework to focus on my journey ahead. Time management has often been a challenge for me and I am sure for many people as well. Knowing what we value, can change a whole lot of perspective on how communications and relationship building is critical as a life skill! In business, workplace, at home and in the community!
My mission is to close the gap between parents, students and teachers. Goals setting, time management, values, communications and relationships are the key life-line to a balance life. Beginning with these life skills, I am sure making effective communications a world wide reality is a noble and purposeful journey.
Will share more…………….If you have any comments, questions please feel free to comment in my blog or email me. I am a new blogger.
Topics: Life Coaching | No Comments »